Monday, January 18, 2010

I’m back (yet again)

Robin
I took this photo of the snow and a robin planning to wish you all Merry Christmas, only to discover on trying to upload it that our Internet router died completely. And then we went to Cape Town at the exact time when I needed to escape the multiple levels of confusion, stress and self-doubt, in which I was slowly wrapping my everyday life. And there, having time to sit still without thoughts of n0t-done housework and ever-growing ToDo lists nagging at the back of my mind; I achieved some sort of clarity and found some answers. They were scattered like little gemstones through watching the children play joyfully and freely, the sincere warmth of family and friends, slow evening conversations and accidental book choices. Ah, I discovered that looking through my sister-in-law’s books is a dangerous activity for someone who already has too many dreams and interests. I finally got to read up on permaculture and now want to attempt to grow a bit more than just carrots.
Carrots in August 2009
Carrots - August 2009

After glancing through a book on cob building I’m dreaming of building a small round house for my studio one day. And do I really need the desire to try out Papier Mache for the first time in my life when I’m already struggling to figure out how to find time to practice crochet, knitting, drawing, sewing?

And then we were back to London covered in snow and grey clouds and somehow this time the subdued colours of my surroundings didn’t trigger the feelings of dejection and gloom, but made me feel at home. And yet, in Cape Town from the first breath of warm air I felt sharply homesick for Australia.
Eucalyptus leaves in Cape Town
Eucalyptus leaves in Cape Town

Home is where the heart is. Sometimes it feels like my heart is shattering into ever smaller and smaller fragments, but I also know it is getting filled by being able to observe the beauty of so many different places and various people.

And eventually the Internet was fixed and I am back here. But I have a chest infection and am on antibiotics for a week, which are making me feel very weak and worse than the infection did on its own. I haven’t made any New Year’s resolutions regarding regular blogging, so no promises about the next time I’ll write.

7 comments:

Rachael said...

I did miss your posts and I wondered what you were up to! Glad you had a nice relaxing time in Cape Town. Hope you're feeling better soon.

Tanya said...

Sorry to hear you are sick. Hope you are feeling better soon.

I LOVE going on holidays. I always find them refreshing, being away from all the house hold chores and I always enjoy the time to think and find clarity. You have inspired me to take the time for a holiday. I think my last one was two years ago!

Ruth's Place said...

Hope you feel better soon. I know how draining chest infections can be (just getting over one now myself).

I understand the sentiments about home being where the heart is and the homesickness for Australia. Thinking of you.

Cameron said...

Those photos are very good! Hope you feel better.

driftwood said...

hope you are feeling better very soon, it sounds like you had a fantastic trip, and being ill when you get back is no fun at all....... take care xoxox

vedmajulia said...

I'd like to think we are lucky to have two homes - I think we feel it here but we feel it there as well... so feeling torn as a result of having two homes is really a small price to pay :-)

Annie said...

Maybe this is one thing I have in common with you - too many interests. It is wonderful and terrible - both.