Sunday, July 31, 2011

Do not worry

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
The Bible. Matthew 6:34

This quote popped into my head at the start of this week as the most fitting advice that finally made sense. Whenever I heard it previously there was always “but” in my mind; there isn’t now. I’m not attempting to analyze why and how it makes sense, I’m just glad that it does.

I wonder if kids laugh more often than adults, because they rarely worry about tomorrow and are instead enjoying the present. Would I get more pleasure from my life if all of today’s beauty, love and majesty were more present in my thoughts? Would I laugh and smile more? Would the feelings of love and gratitude infuse my mind leaving no space for worrisome and negative thoughts? Would concentrating on the problems and tasks of today allow me to accomplish more in the long run? I’m going to practice smiling and loving and holding today dear and trusting that I am and will be in the correct space, true state and on the right journey.

Home (almost) alone

As of 2 hours ago Max and I are at home by ourselves, because the other two members of the family and my father-in-law left in a car heading towards Wales. They are planning to spend one week riding the old trains, exploring the ancient castles, walking the nature trails and eating good food. I’m slightly jealous, but decided that I’ll get a more restful and enjoyable holiday by staying at home.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Working hard

Miss Tick sniffed. “You could say this advice is priceless,” she said, “Are you listening?”
“Yes,” said Tiffany.
“Good. Now...if you trust in yourself...”
“...and believe in your dreams...”
“...and follow your star...” Miss Tick went on.
“’ll still be beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren’t so lazy. Goodbye."
Terry Pratchett "The Wee Free Men"

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Using up

Flower brooches

When I started knitting I used to find yarn at the charity shops (op-shops)and on sales and almost anything looked good enough. With a bit more experience I became pickier and also more aware of the gorgeous yarns available nowadays. Oh the temptation! I can almost hear them whispering: "Look at my amazing colour changes", "Feel how soft and light I am", "Imagine how warm I'll keep you in winter".

Flower brooches

Alas we somehow managed to accumulate the ridiculous amount of stuff in the last five years and I feel that a lot of time is taken up by sorting, re-sorting, tiding away and shifting items from one place to another. Even my book collection and craft stash are starting to be the source of stress instead of pleasure.

Green bracelet
Pretty twisted cuff - pattern by Cat Wong, button from Dottery Pottery

Therefore, as part of greater decluttering undertaking, I'm on the mission to use up whatever craft supplies I have. All of these items were made from Noro Silk Garden Sock and Noro Kureyon Sock yarn left-over from the Chameleon blanket. I still have about 60 grams of Noro Kureyon Sock left over and I plan to turn it into sev[en]circle necklace by Kirsten Johnstone.

60-g left

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Mysteries of Age

Katya: “Let’s play something! Pretend I’m a girl and my name is Isabella and I am seven. And pretend that you are my mummy and your name is Grace and you are eighty-eight."

Katya: “Are you a teenager?”
I: “No”
Katya: “Is Clive a teenager?”
I: “No”
K.: “Is M (older boy from kindergarten) a teenager?”
I: “No”
K.: “Is baba (grandma) a teenager?”
I: “No”
K: “Am I a teenager?”
I: “No”
K: “But when am I going to be a teenager? I want to be a teenager!”

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

No news is...

This year seems to be out to prove the accuracy of the “No news is a good news” saying. It started with the natural disasters and there were plenty of bad news since. Granted there were lots of good news so far as well, mostly of the “new baby” variety, however last few months were stressful due to various changes in our lives and I’m feeling more and more nostalgic about the previous unexciting, nothing-is-happening, everyday-is-ordinary-day year.

Today’s news is that I doN’T have thyroid cancer. This in itself is great news, but it came with the weeks of tension and worry. While she was here, my mum noticed a lump on my neck. My thyroid gland was slightly enlarged for years and I had blood tests done previously to check that it is functioning correctly. I wasn’t too concerned (most of the time, though occasional fearful thought would flutter through my mind), but made the earliest possible appointment to see our GP. In England one has to be registered with a GP/GP clinic and can’t see just any one. The one, we are registered with, is very oversubscribed so the earliest appointment was 1.5 weeks away. During it I was told to book a blood test and a referral was sent to the hospital for the ultrasound. Another week until I could see a nurse to get the blood tests done. They came back normal and I started getting a bit more worried. Another two and a half weeks wait for the ultrasound. Finally on Friday morning I went to the hospital hoping to hear that everything was fine and I had nothing to worry about; instead the doctor, after performing the ultrasound, told me that she had to do fine needle aspiration biopsy and since I had Max with me I had the option of giving him to the nurse to hold or coming back some other day. I didn’t want to wait even longer, so Max went to the nurse, the doctor performed the biopsy and told me that she’ll recommend the referral to thyroid specialist as my GP won’t have a clue of what the results mean.

What’s the first word that comes to your mind when you hear biopsy? Right. I walked home in total shock, trying not to burst into tears. At home I read a lot about thyroid cancer, cried a bit, went to pick up my daughter, made dinner constantly wondering what are the chances that I have cancer and hoping that I don’t. Probably thinking the same way as everyone does “I’m too young… I have two young children… One of them is not even 3-months old… etc… it can’t be cancer” I’m grateful that my husband is a positive, caring, loving person and talking to him puts me into more optimistic and peaceful state of mind. I altered my search parameters to something along the line of “neck lump without cancer” and all of the sudden the search results were creating a more positive picture of the possible outcomes of the tests. Both kids came down with a cold that evening, which was very helpful as it gave me something else to concentrate on.

On Tuesday I got a phone call from the GP to organize the appointment to discuss the results (they don’t call if the results are normal) – the earliest appointment Monday 7pm. I called back the next day to see if it was possible to see the doctor earlier as it was hard not to fret and imagine all sorts of unpleasant scenarios, and while the receptionist couldn’t tell me what the results meant (not being medically trained), she reassured me that if it was something serious they would see me the same or next day. So another week of waiting only to find out that the ultrasound doctor was right and my GP couldn’t interpret the results even with the help of a Google search. He requested an urgent referral to a specialist (urgent == to be seen within two weeks) and printed out the results for me. I knew that thanks to my previous work in IT I would be much better at finding out information using Google than he was, so more research was done that evening. It looked like I didn’t have cancer, though there was possibility that the test results could be inconclusive (I couldn’t tell for sure with all the various similar looking medical terms). The hospital called next day – they had available appointment in one weeks time on Wednesday. And today I went to the hospital, waited for extra 40 minutes trying to stay calm and got seen ahead of some other people, because Max was getting unhappy, and FINALLY found out for sure that there weren’t any cancerous cells and I had nothing to worry about. I was happy, relieved, grateful. I didn’t realise the full strength of the emotions until I noticed myself shaking after leaving the hospital.

If you want to find me I’ll be hiding under a nice woollen blanket trying to process all the emotions I went through in the last few weeks. Please, (for now) don’t bring any news with you.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

3(+)-months update

On Monday I took Max to the doctors for the second set of the immunisations and since we were already there asked the health visitor to weight him - 6.72 kg. Since I don't have any concerns about his development or questions for the health visitors I never go to the "baby clinic" for the recommended monthly checks as at least one of the kids is likely to pick up some virus there as hilariously illustrated with crappy pictures by another mum. Why would anyone think it is a good idea to do checks of healthy children (and pregnant women) at the GPs full of sick people?

Last Thursday Max laughed for the first time. I find the baby laughter totally adorable, uplifting and infections, so I was trying to get him to laugh again without much success.

He likes books! Well, he stops fussing when I read "Ten little fingers and ten little toes" to him. I am a big fan of Helen Oxenbury's illustrations and was very glad to finally have a good excuse to buy this one.


He can hold objects and tries to grab them with very mixed success.

He still haven't figured out how to suck on his thumb :-(.

He is already teething.

He sleeps very little during the day - usually under 3.5 hours, but sometimes, like today, it can be as little as 2. I think he needs more sleep, but so far he didn't have much chance to establish good sleeping patterns during the day due to the school-run being at the times when he appears to be most likely to sleep well. Only two more days until summer school holidays - I'm really looking forward to them.


A knitted indigo dress, and her hair like fast water at night spilling one shoulder; he said, 'That doesn't really surprise us, Miss Wong.'
Surprise, he thought. She puts her hand on the bar, she leans back on the stool, hip moving in knitted blue, and with each movement, I am amazed, surprised, bewildered.
Samuel R. Delany Babel-17
I loved "Babel-17" by Samuel R. Delany. I would've loved it anyway, however the mention of a knitted dress worn by the main heroine made me like this book just a tiny bit more. Are there any insignificant details in the books that make them more special to you, while other people wouldn't even notice them?